Episode 32: A chat in the park

Not to confused anyone, when I say 100% of my thoughts and feelings are guided by the illness right now, I mean to say that I blame Lyme disease and treatment for essentially all of the anxiety and the depression that I have been going through in recent weeks. This is an important distinction I wish to make because it is very much a physical issue, even though it happens in the brain area. I have been anxious and depressed in my life because of negative thought patterns and other issues, and this is not what is happening right now. It’s a hard sell, I know: what I am going through is hard and depressing, so I should be depressed, right?

I have to strongly disagree. Throughout a lot of this, I have mostly been in high spirits. Of course I have moments where I get sad and upset about my circumstances (daily), but that is not the same. Life truly is beautiful. I have experienced lots of joys and human connections throughout the last few months and I am grateful. I’m also quite content with myself and proud of how I am holding up. Again, a hard sell, but the truth nonetheless.

Of course, when in a depressed state, I have lots to cry about because my life is objectively kinda crummy right now. But my brain chemistry is simply messed up because of my treatment, more specifically due to the effects of Doxycycline killing off pathogens in the brain. It makes me have anxious and depressed feelings and thoughts, and I fight all day not to buy into them. No, I do not mean to feel this way and I do not think myself into feeling this way. And no, this is not a question of will power. Depression and anxiety themselves are not a question of will power, either. But it’s also very important to differentiate Lyme-induced mental issues from psychological issues.

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